Lion love.

Leo is a hard character. Most people he uses, for self gain.
But Giacomo, he loves. That's hard, to make my lion love someone.
When he does, that's forever - 'cause it's not just half of me loving. Leo and I are one, and if we both love you, it's stronger than anything.

Alter ego.

So recently people have been questioning my morals, I'm currently morally grey, when I preach goodness.
It's Leo. When I'm hurt, he comes to the fore and he is more ruthless than I am.
As much as he does bad - he protects me, when you're exposed, you need strength and I'll always have him.

The human race :

Civilised or corrupt?

My new favourite word !

Discombobulating.
Discombobulate - to throw into a state of confusion

How ripping.

Della

So I was talking to my lovely councelor called Della, and she asked me what I'd change about my life, if I could..
I sat there for a good few minutes thinking hard and said, 'Nothing.'
I don't think she heard that from people often, because she raised her eyebrows and said 'That's uncommon'
'Do you think you're attractive?'
'Yes, I think so. I always have.'
'Not many think that about themselves. You have amazing eyes, and a delicate chin; You are very attractive'
I just looked down, smiled and didn't say anything.
'Does your mother tell you you're attractive?'
'No. She said I wasn't that bad, but I could do better.'
'And your father?'
'He said I can get a boyfriend if I want, because I'm attractive. He said it in a matter-of-fact way'
'Yes, you seem to be the type to be able to get someone at a snap of the fingers, but I don't understand where your confidence stems, when your parents don't reassure you..'

Yeah. I don't either.

Forgiveness & Change.

So I was thinking about people who have been alienated in their own friendship groups, and been forgiven after. Some people who have done these things, they're not suited to us anymore as we grow and change over years and years.
Then I looked at old friends I had, people I know who changed schools and just changed, and it scared me, in case someone else left, and i missed them
but then.. I thought maybe they changed so much over time they were never being themselves round their friends, and this new place, they could be that, so they liked it better.
I think we forgive some people, out of familiarity.

Venus Fly-Trap.

"If a key opens lots of locks, it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. " Is a saying, which validates boys' ability to sleep with lots of girls and not be a manwhore and become a ledge, and also a claim that girls are skets if they sleep with lots of boys.

Jackshit.

I think it is an african proverb that a boy sees a statue of a man standing over a lion, and he asks his father
'Why does the man slay the Lion, when we are all so afraid of him?'
'It will always be so, my son, until Lions can make their own statues.'

In a society where men have slight superiority, which perhaps is enjoyed by females, the opening of doors, and the stopping of cars, bills being payed etc, it will be seen as females can be tools, but I think an intelligent person who is open to the idea of sex can see it as working both ways.

It is a good venus fly-trap which catches all the flies. It's a foolish fly and a smashingly evolved plant.
The plants needs are fed at the expense of the fly, but flies aren't as gifted, they might not see it that way, they smell the sweet scents that instinctively draw them, then feel lucky for a taste.
The same goes with roses, and foxgloves, and tulips, the bees and the hummingbirds swarm to the nectars.

It's all in your perspective.

What is it good for?

Love, love, love. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

There is no such thing as love, only sex and lies.

I don't believe all that, but it's so hard to keep believing, when all love ever seems to do is end.
Sometimes life's too hard, because what I need is always out of reach, because love is better than life.
But I have hope, always that there's something, waiting always.

Bisexual.

I love boys, okay making that clear.
I like girls.

Bisexual is open minded, its best of both worlds, its fun.

I'll do 'stuff' with either, but I've never been able to love girls. Maybe I just haven't found the one.

I'd feel bad if a girl loved me, 'cause I'm not sure if I could love her back, without being really really close, and always with her.

Girls are crueller than boys, girls confuse me more, and less at the same time,  I never got on so well with girls as boys.

Because the subjects hushed up, I never know if a girl truely likes me, so I can't pursue it.
They'll kiss me at night in secret, and never speak of it, yet it was so willingly and they were enjoying it.
I can't be bothered to chase a girl, so I carry on.
It's just a bit of fun.

The procrastinator.

I always put things off, I'll do it later. It's always last minute.

Very rarely do I jump up and DO THINGS. If I do, it's important, it matters.

If I ever do that for a person, by jove. They're special.

Ephiphany.

I've just realised what I did.
I held onto my love and never truely gave it all, and then sorrowfully realising, gave all my love in one focus.
Neither works, by the way. (At least it didn't pour moi)

Everything you see works together in a delicate balance, and as King, you need to understand that balance and respect that balance, from the crawling ant, to the leaping antelope.
But Dad, don't we eat the antelope?
Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass, and so we are all connected in the Great Circle of Life.

Basically, I now think perhaps, you have to balance your love more evenly, and if you love too much, direct it at other things you love.

I'm a little sly.

When you want something bad enough, you can have it.

I'll take it.
By god, I will be underhand.

I would like...

I've decided when I grow up, I want a classic red mini <3

and wait for it.....

  

a dalmation puppy :D

Faking it?

If people really love each other, monumetal give your life love, you keep fighting for them, don't you?
If they're special, you make sure you're the one with them, and if you believe you're not good enough, you don't leave them; You change.
Love isn't easy, it's one of the hardest things we do.
So you have to keep trying, you can't give up...
I don't see that in people.
People give up.
WHY!?

Things I'm told..

Someone said to me recently (an older woman) that the way I was going, I'd leave a dent in the world, I leave an impression on people I touch, it seems.

People say I'm nice, I love, I am amazing.

I've thought it of myself, but I can see it in everyone else.
Not just things like strength, bravery, belief..
Everyones born with it, everyone forgets how pleasurable life is,
I think it's there in subconscious, and so we cling to life fiercely,
The pleasure of being part of matter, to enjoy the scents, and the feel of everything in the world, see all of the colours and every sound that tickles your ear, it can be pleasurable, if you remember to think about it,
but people don't think that, they forget what amazing beings they are, how their skin can heal itself, and they look for other pleasures.
The natural pleasures are best.
The senses.
Food.
Sleeping.
Sex.

Life is good.

I don't understand cynics.

How can you be so distrusting? How can you not believe in dreams, and love and idealisms? :/
I wonder, if they have loved before and been hurt from it, losing their faith, or only never felt it, and so don't believe its existance.
Why do you want to shatter my dreaaams

The little green lizard (To anyone who reads Oscar Wilde) was harsh to mock the Students dream. In a different world, that we are capable of making, the Rose could have made love blossom.

I'm an optimist ! Can you tell?

I think I may look back at this in 10 years and think..
'How naive I was'

There's only room for one(unless they're a lion.)

I love myself, and Leo.
As boisterous as he is, he's a part of me.
Possesive and proud, but loyal and strong.

I met a Lion, with strength to match my own,
I think eventually I was the stronger one, but not because of our beasts, but for love, and love gives you the greatest strength, and this Lion knew not how to so well.

But here was an alpha, and an alpha needs one of its own kind to love with equal measure,
an alpha and omega, or even beta, they'd be used and destroyed.. regardless of how much you didn't want it to happen.
Lions usually rule alone.
Sometimes as a pair, but two Lions as we were...
We fought bitterly, out of dominance at first, and then..
Dominance became a facade, we fought out of love,

Behind the fights, low rumbling and soft purrs, and roars of joy when we were in a louder mood.
Trust, and affection, to rule together, maybe because had we not loved, we'd destroy each other,
maybe we loved out of neccessity. Both Lions needed to love and be loved.
With this love we reluctantly granted, after we put our pride and egos away, we ruled.

People wonder, how can that be love? They only hurt each other.
No, we gave each other complete reassurance, shared our strength, to become greater beasts.

I would say it was the Lions in us who fought, and the boy and the girl who loved, but no
the Lions loved each other too, they saw in each other, kindred.

Not many appreciate dominance, survival of the fittest, the brutality of life and reign. Of which I believe in.

No one else have I loved with such passion, but no one has truly captured the heart of my lion before.
I wonder if it is because I needed a Lion.
I wonder what I'd feel, if my lion met a lamb.

The clash.

Sometimes I wish I could escape from England, much as I love it so,
The divide between my worlds is large, and it seems Thailand is my true escape, wherever I go there,
The sandy beaches, with rocks to climb and deep dark blueish turquoise water, the little crabs that scuttle into their holes as you walk near, the warmth of the sand you lie on, the sun always always kissing your skin, and when it rains, its a warm shower.

At hottest its 35 degrees C and lowest about 10
I'm never cold, the sun lifts my heart, I was built for this. At the hottest time of year there is the water festival Songkran. My brothers and I, along with our friends, would put a plastic barrel into the back of our truck, pull out the hose and fill it up, we drive along and throw the water at everyone. Whoever your enemies are, or your friends, for those few days, it doesnt matter. You throw it at them, a national game. It's all light hearted, and the boys like the excuse to put Bang (talcum powder like substance) on your face and draw their names.

There are parties that fill our whole street, and we grill fish, and roast whole piglets, we play the music loud as we like, and everyone gets smashed. The women begin their shameful kareoke and the men talk louder and louder, while we play and start fires, and hid in the junkyard.

Everyone is taught how to make a raft out of banana leaf, to float candles over the nearest water source, called Loy Kratong.
You light your candle, and you let it float away, your sins are meant to go with it.

The streets I walk smell like hot concrete, and food cooking everywhere, people always look, they smile at me, you can talk to a stranger with ease.

The beaches are calm, your worries float away..

And the jungles are like nothing else. Monkeys and Tigers roam our jungles, and we rule it all. We run around, we make our own paths, we climb everything, no need to watch our step, because we were born for this. A westener would trip over the winding roots of the trees, they'd be afraid of the animals, theyd slip on the rocks of the waterfall, but we know this is a playground, and we will never get hurt.
The freedom of being there, nothing compares, you feel so at one with the world, like this is where you fit, this is home. You can feel the life here, and it accepts you as its own.

Caro mio, Ti amo ..ad mortem.

My heart is full of love for Caro, and always will.
I lie in wait, under the accacia tree, for my Lion to find me, when he feels the call.
Its all I can do,
I can't run out onto the savannah, for what dangers are out there, and no promise of finding him on my own, he knows where to look for me.

I don't think I've ever felt a love like this before..

Simba's Pride/ Dreams/Wishes

All a Lion has, is his Pride.
A Lion's whole life is to rule a great pride, because a pride means strength and safety for life.
I will always love and protect my pride, for Leo.
Your friends who are there to fall back on, your friends who you fight for, in any situation,
your friends who love you and accept you as you are.

Then there's a girl, who falls in love with a boy.
What is there greater than that?
'Birth of passion in the hearts of man and maid, a love that is perfected by death,  love that dies not in the tomb.'
The love that lasts a lifetime, that's meant to be,
the love of two tombstones side by side.

Perhaps I'm naive.

But I want to learn that for myself, 'cause I believe if you're a true lover,
unselfish, and trusting, always understanding....
It's possible, it's not just a dream, it's not just a fairytale.

We make our dreams with our mind, our mind which is based in logic,
we are human, we are survivors, we can make dreams reality, if only we believe we can.

Hate is easy, Love takes courage,

You get trouble either way, but Love takes letting people in, accepting the hurt, for the promise, of the blossoms of something beautiful.
Love takes getting caught in the middle..

Blood ties.

You know how your family INFURIATES YOU BEYOND BELIEF, no one else is such an ANNOYING cow as people in your family, they annoy you so much you just want to smack them, SWEET CONNECTION TO THEIR FACE AND YOU CAN NEVER GET RID OF THE BASTARDS!? And... In a way, you dont want to get rid of them.

I mean you can really really dislike your family, all the time, no one can make you feel so vexed..
but you love them, and you always will. 

No matter what.

If someone tells you not to see your family again, because they're bad, they hurt you, or they're not a good family, in most cases, fuck that.
It's your family, and you don't let anyone take that away from you.

Your brother might say some awful things, and get himself into trouble, and hurt you, and call you names, and annoy you, you just want to throw a frying pan at him..
but you love him all the same,
all the hurt you put each other through, its misdirected perhaps, but its still out of love.
Whatever they do, you'll stand up for them. They're family. You can't change family, even if you wish it.

Some families don't have this kind of love, but they're fewer, and I don't understand them.

That is how I love Caro.
No, we are not blood, but if I had awoken from a coma, I'd feel it like we were.
He's so foolish. No one annoys me like him, aside from my own family.
I wish that he didn't draw me back, but he does, because he is as good as blood.
You can't change that.. Imagine someone trying to split you and your Dad up, or taking you from your Mum, and your siblings, its like that. You cannot break bonds like that, you don't understand how they are so strong, but they are.
It's a strange connection, like its meant to be, even if it doesn't fit within the lines of what is right and good, it is how it is, a different love. A kiss with a fist.

Why try and fight it? I did..
epic fail.

"Why run? You know I'll catch you. Your mine, Cara."

Half Way

Is it better to be a true friend or a true lover?